He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
