I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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