Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
