I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
