I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
