she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize