Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
