I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
