I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize