Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
