i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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