He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
