You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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