I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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