Your mouth is God's brothel.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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