Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
