He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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