We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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