thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I FOUND THE LEGS
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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