"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
