I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize