Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
