wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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