you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
