At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
