It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
