I am spending my child support on dildos
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
