I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
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