Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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