I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I think people are normalizing furries
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
