Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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