On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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