Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
