dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
