i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
