can u get pink eye on your cock?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
