you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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