these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize