I want to have your abortion
where am i from again
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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