I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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