i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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