farters have to be the big spoon...
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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