I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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