quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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