I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
