Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
