Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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