So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize