ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
In other news, I just burned my penis
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
