i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
It was confusing and full of hummus
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
