hell yes lets make some ravioli
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
