I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
