Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize