You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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