I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
