I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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