babies were throwing up all over the place
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I think I sprained my soul last night
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
