...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
