he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
