I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
