Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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