You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
