Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
