Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Barsexuality is the new black.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Randomize
