Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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