Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
